Those that get it and those that don't...

We had a couple over last week who are in their final months of preparing for deployment. They came by to talk, to vent, and to get some advice for surviving the experience. One of the things we all talked about and we all understood immediately was the phenomenon of "those that get it and those that don't."

This has to be one of the greatest life lessons that I experienced throughout the experience from pre-deployment to reintegration, and there is probably not a week that goes by that John and I don't experience it in some way. You know what I mean - the people that get it - you just know by talking to them that you aren't getting a line or a half-hearted effort. They just get it.

As I think throughout my life experiences - losing a parent, dealing with cancer, going through divorce, losing a loved one to suicide, being a parent - each one of those experiences was almost like joining a secret club. But you don't know you are a member until you've gone through it. Then almost magically when you find another club member you have this immediate bond that is hard to explain to those not in the club but so easy to understand when you are in it. Deployment is another of those clubs.

I initially thought that everyone would "get" deployment. Initially I didn't see it as another "club." Maybe because we were all Americans and we were at war and and of course, everyone would be there, be supportive, be patriotic, be understanding.

Ahhh...if only. What was more accurate was no matter what - whether it was family members, neighbors, coworkers, The Guard, family support, news organizations, the public...the list could go on and on - there were "those that get it and those that don't." My deployment club was a journey and I found people in each of the above categories that were members - the challenge was finding who those members were. Some members happened right away and others became members along the way. Deployments aren't cookie cutter and the challenges of each deployment makes for different clubs.

My advice to anyone is to seek out "those that get it" and concentrate your efforts there. When you find those people that become a part of your club, treasure them. They will be there to lend a hand, or lend an ear, and you will feel better just knowing that they are there if you need. As far as the others, - just don't worry about the "those that don't." They won't get it and it's not your job to change them or make them see the light. You've got enough on your plate the way it is.